A Needed Change of Perspective on Conflict Resolution

It is a natural reaction for individuals to respond defensively to the conflicts in their life. We are programmed to protect our own ideas and beliefs before considering the possibility that we are wrong -- even when we are. As children we strive to protect ourselves and seek out to secure our desires. This attitude follows us into adulthood. People at our jobs frustrate us; our family members get under our skin. When they do, usually the issue becomes about how that somebody else violated us, how that somebody else fails to understand our perspective or recognize our stance's legitimacy. Then we put the responsibility of change on our opposition. The problem is, this approach solves nothing.

It is easy to understand why we have evolved to react in such a manner. As a survival tactic, preserving our beliefs and culture ensures that said beliefs are passed on to future generations. Also, throughout history most conflicts, when escalated enough, ended in bloodshed. When your view is forced upon others via persecutory means, no conflict resolution is required. However, in this modern day, civilization's laws keep us in line and prevent us from taking extreme action to secure influence. As a species, we need to become better at conflict resolution for this very reason, but we need to reverse our current tack.

The only person we have control over in any situation is ourselves. We alone have direct control over how we decide to react to any given situation. We alone can better ourselves and work towards improving our own relationships by changing how we choose to deal with conflicts. Expecting the other party in a conflict to change is a dead-end attitude. Only when we utilize empathy, become more observant, and begin to understand the true sources of the conflicts can we analyze and formulate a method for resolution. This method does not equate to constant compromise. Many times the source of a conflict can be a simple misunderstanding or failed communication that can be rectified via clarification. Sometimes our search for understanding will teach us about our own shortcomings. Sometimes it will illuminate the character flaws of others and teach us how to manage and navigate around them. All in all, we become better at conflict resolution when we motivate ourselves to take action to investigate the situation -- not waiting for somebody else to clean up for us.